“Every time you try and fail gets you closer to succeeding because you practice trying. Don’t mistake your advancements for failure. They are successes!” writes “Kindness” columnist ANTONIO DI DIO. 

WALKING down the street yesterday I crashed into some low-lying ABS data, suggesting that 64 per cent of Aussie men my age were overweight or obese, and I wondered – if we all make resolutions to lose weight every year, how come we’re not all skinny? 

Because we suck at resolutions. A Christmas-shopping wander round Tuggers demonstrates that my mates and I look more like John Candy than the Rock. Like our American friends. 

Obviously the few Americans with hard abdomens and smug careers have one thing in common – a Ted Talk or book about their success, thanking their deity and their mom, and just possibly trying to sell you something, although usually their books contain sage advice about measurable and achievable goals which make success easier. 

Even so, the reality is that most of us do fail New Year resolutions by the start of the Sydney cricket Test. Those of us with legendary resolve might last till stumps on day three. And then we sometimes do what we do best – we savagely criticise ourselves for failure… and quit. All the while encouraging others.

There is another, rather more awesome reality. Willpower is a muscle – it requires effort and focus. Think of a person who does something tough every day – perhaps caring for an ill family member – taking 365 days of love and effort. We stand in awe and think “how do they do it?” Reality suggests that it is, of course, because there exists no alternative. 

Steve Martin’s character in “Parenthood” got a cracking line. When his wife Mary Steenbergen said of some ghastly family chore “you just have to do this!”, he cried in pain: “My whole life is “have to!” Possibly an even better line in that film was his endlessly suffering wife’s reply, about “grow up, you idiot”.

The thing is, many of us are actually doing fantastic work every day – many of my patients get up daily to attend a job they are mightily struggling with due to burnout or fear or bullying, because they need to survive themselves or support their loved ones, which means that their willpower muscle is stretched to the limit every day, and by the time they get home they’ve been a hero – and getting into a stripy size 6 and putting all their perfect dishes on Insta is about as distant from reality as me getting picked for the Sydney Test. 

Many of us do achieve a great deal in our professional roles, but are lucky because we love it. Some of us should get a medal just for keeping on keeping on. 

But here are three simple ideas which might have legs. 

Firstly, January 1 is only one day – things succeed once they start, so don’t wait to give yourself one shot a year at success. If you “fail” to maintain a standard you set yourself, start again any day – 365 chances a year are a lot better than one. 

And if your project is important to you, don’t wait. Most people quit smoking successfully. Despite billions in industry, the commonest method remains willpower. And the commonest success outcome is someone who’s tried and failed to quit several times before. 

Every time you try and fail gets you closer to succeeding because you practice trying. Don’t mistake your advancements for failure. They are successes!

Secondly, leverage small wins. A few years ago I noted a mate did five different things successfully including calling people he’d missed for many months, writing up meeting minutes, emptying his mum’s shed – what a great effort, we said. Nonsense, he smiled – I’m still only capable of sticking to something for three days, but every fortnight I’ve planned a new one – so 26 times this year I’ll do something really well for three days and it adds up to heaps! 

Thirdly, with care and respect, let’s go to the self help section of a bookstore and find the most smug, perfect, tell-you-how-to-live-your-life bugger on a back cover, and attach their image to a dartboard. Then arrange a no-effort pizza and TV night at home with your friends and throw non-violent nerf balls at the image while reading aloud from the book’s passages. 

I guarantee you it will make you laugh, and further guarantee that folly with friends makes you happier than any six-packed marvel of modern dentistry with a spot on Oprah ever will. Resolve on love and kindness to yourself and those around you. And celebrate your failures. They are the first draft of your greatest achievements.

Antonio Di Dio is a local GP, medical leader, and nerd. There is more of his “Kindness” on citynews.com.au