Pokemon, as a neologism, could be defined as a Rastafarian proctologist, according to The Washington Post.
A neologism is a newly coined word or expression and Whimsy columnist CLIVE WILLIAMS shares some of the latest ingenious ones.
“The trouble with words is that you never know whose mouths they’ve been in” –Dennis Potter
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
Clive Williams.
A neologism is a newly coined word or expression.
The winners were:
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up on to the roof and gets stuck there.
Gargoyle, olive-flavoured mouthwash.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Pokemon, a Rastafarian proctologist.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
The Style Invitational winners
The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole. [Excuse my American English.]
Inoculate (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes…
Osteopornosis (n): A degenerative disease.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
My contribution is Albodextrous (n) – being able to juggle two contradictory political positions at the same time.
On a lighter note: Young female gorilla Elsie has been down in the dumps ever since male gorilla Hugo was moved to another zoo.
However, she’s clearly fond of Fred the keeper who cleans out her enclosure every day.
The zoo manager thinks of an unorthodox way to cheer her up. He approaches Fred and says: “For $500 would you be prepared to make love to Elsie?”
Fred says: “I’ll have to think about that.”
The next day Fred meets with the manager and says: “Look, I’m prepared to do it on three conditions. One: that nobody else knows about it. Two: I don’t have to kiss Elsie on the lips. And three: I get to pay the $500 in installments.”
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