“It was a lightbulb moment to realise that small children get it right. Christmas is when they are spoiled rotten by Santa, parents and other relatives… but the payoff is what’s under the tree,” writes a nostalgic old dog, columnist HUGH SELBY. 

It’s not true that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. You can, especially if the old dog is open to it. It’s just a matter of knowing what will work.

That said, there is always the possibility that, having learned something new, the old dog will revert to its previous behaviour, because that familiarity is what gives comfort and security.

Take as an example this old dog’s recent travels to Japan. There he saw the November phenomenon of convenience stores promoting wonderful looking Christmas cakes one month out. Those cakes looked so delicious, such a temptation to achieve death by sugar overload.

We don’t have these convenience stores in Australia. The nearest we get are the stores attached to petrol stations, but they have nothing like the range of goods.

Convenience stores don’t shut. They have a range of instant meals for any time of the day, alcohol, toiletries, things for the laundry, an ATM, photocopier, and a booking machine for travel plans. 

Christmas Day is not a holiday in Japan. Not a problem. Pre-order the Kentucky Fried Chicken in the large boxes (brilliant marketing over many years by KFC), pick up the Christmas cake and the booze at the convenience store, grab the premade salads at the supermarket if there is to be a nod to a balanced meal. Instant feast at home.

The new trick that I had to learn was to cast aside the Christian religious connotations and see Christmas as the splurge day of the year for everyone. So much bigger and longer than November’s Black Friday that focuses on savings, Christmas means excess, extravagance, self-indulgence.

It was a lightbulb moment to realise that small children get it right. Christmas is when they are spoiled rotten by Santa, parents and other relatives. Sure their school may re-create the scene in the manger and the three wise men, they may even have to sing some Christmas songs, but the payoff is what’s under the tree.

As for the oldies’ Christmas splurge, have you been following the new car promos? AI tells us that December is probably the best month to buy a car. Dealerships are trying to hit their year-end sales quotas, and salespeople are often keen to offer better deals to meet these targets. There’s still time, but be quick.

Reminds me of the just-after-Christmas time when we were on our way north. This was years ago. Just out of Goulburn, past the railway yards, and where the police radar had sat for years, there was a pile up.

A father was on the side of the road alternately yelling and sobbing. He and the family were safe. His car was delivered Christmas Eve. Its front and its rear were a mess. I was so sorry for his loss.

No doubt there will be some readers whose splurge will be to travel to our beaches or even overseas. Oh, happy days: sun, surf and sunscreen that doesn’t work as well as it should.

Alternatively, the fantastic skiing and snow-boarding in Japan or further afield. Get there before climate change brings its end. Which means taking the children, because their children will have only skateboard parks and surfing among plastic debris.

Ah, the comfort and security of year-end memories: family holidays, end-of-year work lunches, putting up the tree with lights, putting out the food for Santa (and bringing it in before the kids woke up), relatives turning up with dishes for the Christmas Day festivities.

Mercifully, we were spared those stories I have heard from others about how such events ripped families apart as things were said that were best left unsaid.

The worst I recall was the year the family dog devoured the Christmas cake, all of it.

This old dog will have a Christmas rest, watching the lights on the family tree, video chatting to family and friends overseas, enjoying the once-a-year ham-on-the-bone and a pavlova that is so much better than the convenience store cake (but just as excessive).

He’ll hope that the firefighters and emergency workers, too, can enjoy the day, free from call out and risk.

The Boxing Day sales no longer attract his attention, but he knows, as do the stores, that everyone loves a bargain even when they don’t need it at all.

Forgive the rephrasing but, with a knick knack, paddy wack, this dog got his bone: this old man will be enjoying home.