Whimsy columnist CLIVE WILLIAMS continues his theme on egotists, this time some closer to home.
“The nice thing about egoists is that they don’t talk about other people.” –Lucille S Harper
Last Whimsy I talked about egotists and the US presidency. In the course of my professional life in the Australian Public Service I came across several Australian egotists.
Most notably was APS mandarin Sir Arthur Tange (as secretary of Defence 1970-79) and Foreign Minister Gareth Evans (1988-1996).
Tange’s reputation as an egotist arose from his imperious style, with critics claiming he marginalised dissenting voices and wielded disproportionate influence over elected officials.
He was undoubtedly a brilliant bureaucrat who made transformative changes to the public service. He was also a bully who shouted at staff and threw files at them.
When Gareth visited Washington DC, I was usually delegated to look after him for calls on the intelligence community. Gareth’s Washington visits were something of a nightmare for our embassy staff because all the American principals that Gareth wanted to meet with would suddenly discover out-of-town commitments, leaving their deputies to meet with Gareth.
This led to Gareth being annoyed with Ambassador Michael Cook, who in turn took it out on his DFAT staff. Gareth’s visits made for an unsettling time at the Washington embassy.
Another notable egotist is Kevin Rudd, whose tenure as prime minister highlighted a blend of intellectualism and a micromanaging leadership style. Rudd’s perceived focus on personal control and inability to delegate led to frustrations within his party, contributing to his eventual ousting in 2010.
More sage quotes on egotism:
- “Some of the greatest love affairs I have known involved one actor, unassisted.” –Wilson Mizner
- “My chief regret in the theatre is that I could never sit in the audience and watch me.” –John Barrymore
- “Pavarotti is not vain, but conscious of being unique.” –Peter Ustinov
- “An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.” –Ambrose Bierce
- “He’s a self-made man who worships his creator.” –William Cowper
- “If you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?” –Oscar Levant to George Gershwin
- “His great dream is to die in his own arms.” –Irving Rudd
- “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” –Oscar Wilde
- “Modesty is the hope that other people will discover by themselves how wonderful we really are.” –Aldo Cammarota
To conclude on a humble note:
Forrest Gump has a low IQ but always seems to get by with lateral thinking. When he dies, he duly appears in front of St Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St Peter says: “Welcome, Forrest. We’ve heard a lot about you. “Unfortunately, it’s getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance exam before we can let them in.”
“This test has only three questions – and here they are:
1 Which two days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’?
2 How many seconds are in a year?
3 What is God’s first name?”
“Well, sir,” says Forrest, “The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? Today and Tomorrow.”
Saint Peter looks surprised and says: “Well, that wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I’ll give you credit for that answer.”
“The next question,” says Forrest, “How many seconds in a year? – Twelve.”
“Twelve?” says St Peter, surprised and confused.
“Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…”
St Peter interrupts him: “I see what you mean. I’ll have to give you credit for that one, too.”
“And the last question,” says Forrest, “What is God’s first name? Well, it’s Andy.”
“Andy?” says St Peter, in shock. “How did you come up with Andy?”
“I learned that in church. We used to sing about it.” Forrest breaks into song, “Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own.”
Saint Peter nervously wipes his brow and opens the gates to heaven…
Clive Williams is a Canberra columnist
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